By Joyce Marter, LCPC

We all need others for support in different ways, to varying degrees, and at various points throughout our lives. In order to achieve a healthy, happy, balanced life, we need to have good support systems in place.

Sources of Support:

• Family (including extended family)

• Friends

• Our partners

• Spirituality

• Mentors, teachers or sponsors

• Healing professionals (therapists, nutritionists, personal trainers, doctors)

• Support groups or 12 step meetings

• Neighbors or community

• Organizations (professional, social, religious, charitable)

• Bosses or colleagues

• Support services (childcare provider, cleaning service, dog walkers)

We all have normal dependency needs to be known, understood, loved, and supported. It is important to make sure that your needs are being met by your support network.

Areas of Support:

• Emotional

• Social

• Health (people who support you taking care of yourself and having a healthy lifestyle)

• Career Development

• Spirituality

• Managing day-to-day responsibilities

• Financial

Exercise:

1. Write down the main areas of support that you need.

2. Write down the people in your support network.

3. Match the people in your support network to the areas of need they fulfill.

4. Assess your coverage. Are there places you are weak in support? Are there people in your support network that don't meet many or any of your needs?

Tips for Managing Your Support Network:

1. You reap what you sew. The best way to get good support is to give good support. Help when you can in the ways that you can that are meaningful and rewarding for you.

2. Make sure there is a reciprocal balance in your relationships—that you get back what you put into it. The support or positivity you receive may not be the same support exactly, but there should be balance. There may be times when you or your friend or family member may be in greater need than you or vice versa, but things should balance out over time. Otherwise, the relationship or the boundaries may need to be re-evaluated.

3. Remember, different people are able to offer different types of support. For example, you may have a friend who is a blast to hang out with but isn't the one you would turn to for deeper emotional support. Make sure you are asking for support from the people who are capable of providing it. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

4. If you realize there is somebody in your support network who is feeling toxic to you, or the relationship has become unfair or off balance, try to communicate with that person and/or shift your boundaries and expectations so the relationship feels more comfortable to you. Consider letting go of relationships that cause you to feel badly about yourself or cause you feelings of guilt or anxiety.

5. Seek additional support in your areas of need. Meet new friends through a class at the park district, volunteer work or a group through meetup.com. Find a mentor or start therapy. Seek the support you deserve.

6. Your support network will need careful management for the rest of your life. As your life changes, so will your need for support. For example, the transition to parenthood often brings about a desire to connect with other parents who can understand what you are going through. The same goes with other major transitions through life, like divorce, death of a loved one, and retirement.

Healthy people have healthy support. Seek the support you deserve.