by Joyce Marter, LCPC

At the start of the school year, students and their families are adjusting to new schedules, routines, expectations, responsibilities, and demands in life. This can create a lot of stress for everyone involved. Additionally, the bigger the milestone, the more stressful the transition may be. For example, the change from junior year to senior year of high school is not as dramatic of a transition as the change from senior year to the first year of college, especially if living away from home.

A teacher I know with 30 years experience says families should expect their students to be "out of sorts" emotionally, relationally and behaviorally for the first four to six weeks of school. This is the amount of time that she finds it takes for students to adjust to the transition to school. She jokes that she too goes through this transition each year, and doesn't let anybody talk to her when she gets home from work for the first two weeks! This is a good reminder that being able to anticipate some bumps during times of transition can help us to better cope with them.

Tips to Cope with Transition to the New School Year

1. Recognize this is a stressful time. If your kid is acting crazy, don't worry that they are actually crazy! Understand that they are under stress. Empathize with your kids and yourself – it can be a hard time for all family members.

2. Expect bumps and be flexible. Think of how architects build skyscrapers so they can sway in the wind. Do activities that ground you (meditation, deep breathing, exercise, etc.) and then go with the flow. Let some things go. If you turn one of the million school forms in late, it is okay. To be a good parent, you do not have to be perfect.

3. Boost up self care for yourself and your kids. Don't forget quiet time, down time, and play time. Make sure you are getting enough rest and eating right. Create time for activities that reboot you.

4. Cut yourself and your kids some slack. You are a human being and being a parent is the hardest job. There is no perfect parent. Don't compare yourself to other parents who you think have it all together. Remember the quote: "Don't compare your insides to other people's outsides." This transition is stressful for all of us and we all have different lives to manage. If your kid is having a hard time transitioning to homework, don't worry that they won't get into college. Empathize with them, support them, and understand they are transitioning.

5. Do not overcommit yourself or your kids. You may feel pressure to volunteer for a million activities at school and to sign your kids up for every after school class possible to enrich their lives. Choose mindfully and be realistic about the balance in your family and your schedule. Choose quality over quantity.

6. Get support from other parents. You are not alone. This is normal. Laugh, cry and vent together – it will help you feel supported.

7. Understand stress sometimes pops out in different places. If you suddenly can't stand your partner, it might be due to the stress of the transition in the family. The stress may exacerbate arguments about division of labor or schedules in the home.

8. Remember "this too shall pass." You and your kids will adjust and get through it.

For more help with supporting yourself, your partnership or your children through counseling during times of transition, please contact UB's Intake Coordinator at 888-726-7170 or This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it