By Joyce Marter, LCPC

American culture, especially as portrayed by the media, places particular emphasis on the physical aspects of sex. Human beings, however, comprise mind, body and spirit – and human sexuality frequently incorporates all three aspects of being simultaneously. Sex is an intensely personal and intimate part of life and relationships, and sexuality is a significant part of one's emotional health and a sense of connectedness to others.

For many of us, our sexual development has been influenced by culture, religion, family, and past experience. For some, these influences may have been positive, but for others the experiences may have been traumatic or abusive. Our past emotional and relational experiences influence our sexual decisions, experiences, fantasies, function/dysfunction, preferences, and feelings. Part of human nature is to recreate what is familiar to us. This can happen with regard to our sexual lives as well.

Sex frequently involves feelings about:

• our bodies (positive or negative)
• either empowerment or disempowerment
• our sense of safety or feeling unsafe or at risk
• our sense of connection or disconnection with others (emotionally, physically, spiritually)

Self-esteem, identity, confidence, boundaries, and attachment issues all impact our sex lives.

A normal, important part of life, sex is often difficult to talk openly about with others, even with our partners. Especially for those who have been abused, sex can sometimes come with feelings of shame, guilt or anxiety. Sex can also be highly charged emotional issues for individuals – consider fetishes, obsessions, addiction to pornography, as well as confronting body image issues. For couples, common sexual issues are a lack of physical intimacy, or differences in partner needs or feelings.

Again, there is significant mind/body connection when it comes to sex – for example, the body might shut down when the mind does not feel safe. All people and all relationships can have sexual issues at different points in time. It is a normal part of the human condition.

Finally, sex can be very complicated, but also can be very natural and simple. If you or your partner are experiencing sexual issues, consider therapy. It is a brave step, but one that can lead to healing, empowerment, and connection. UB therapists are open and understanding, as well as experienced around issues of sexuality with both couples and individuals. UB Counseling offices are a safe and confidential place to explore these normal, human issues.