By Joyce Marter, LCPC

You have probably experienced “snowballing” and never even known it. This is the term I have given to packing more and more negative thoughts onto an original fear or worry until it transforms into unmanageable anxiety. The outcome is usually an intense feeling of overwhelm or inadequacy which can lead to feeling frozen, depressed, and can even trigger a panic attack.

For example, you try on a pair of pants and they don't fit. Your mind becomes flooded with negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself and your body:

“Oh my God, I am fat. I look horrible. I never should have canceled the gym membership. If I had a better job, I could afford to workout. My job sucks and I have no money. I am a loser. Nobody is going to want to date me. I am going to be alone forever.”

Making a “snowball” of negative thoughts is extremely self-destructive. Thoughts are very, very powerful. Cognitive therapists believe our thoughts precede our behaviors and our emotions. Our thoughts can actually impact our future through self-fulfilling prophecy—if our belief systems and our energy is directed towards our fears, we are increasing the likelihood that those fears will become our reality. However, by consciously restructuring our thinking or our “self talk,” we can behave and feel more positively.

In therapy, I encourage clients to become aware and mindful of their self talk. Many of us have an “internal critic" or voice within our heads that judges ourselves extremely harshly. This “voice” or way of thinking is a normal response to growing up with a critical parent, the lack of positive feedback or mirroring from parents, or extremely high expectations we have adopted from parents, teachers, and religious teachings. The goal is to become aware of the presence and the negative impact of this internal critic.

The goal is to learn to detach from your internal critic and “coach” yourself through your moments of anxiety like you would for your very best friend, your child, or somebody you love. This is the way you should talk to yourself.

Going back to our example, “My pants don't fit. It's okay. I am still beautiful. I am going to find something more comfortable. It is okay, I am a human being and am dealing with a lot of stress lately with work and money. I need more support and more self care. I deserve to eat right and exercise and I will make myself a priority.”

Obviously, it takes some time to get there. When experiencing a negative thought or anxiety, consciously recognize the beginnings of snowballing and nip it in the bud. Here are some steps you can take:

1. Stop and breathe. Breathing can relax your body and trick your mind that you are relaxed.  It also helps you to stay in the present moment instead of leaping to future worries.

2. Become aware of your self talk. Are you talking to yourself like you would to your best friend?

3. Work at detaching or “unplugging” from your critic. That part may always be there, but you can choose not to listen to it. Meditate or visualize letting go of those negative beliefs.

4. Practice your own personal positive mantra. “I deserve to take good care of myself.” “Everything is exactly as it should be.”

5. Get support. Call a friend.

Therapy is a safe place to explore your self talk, internal critic, irrational belief systems, and to consciously rework them into loving and empowering messages to support you in living the life you want.

Here are some recommended readings and workbooks:

http://urbanbalance.org/Details/Cognitive-Techniques-to-Improving-Self-Esteem.html

http://urbanbalance.org/Details/The-Self-esteem-Companion-Simple-Exercises-to-Help-You-Challenge-Your-Inner-Critic.html

http://www.urbanbalance.org/Details/The-Anxiety-Phobia-Workbook-Fourth-Edition.html