What is the psychological toll of a woman like Gloria Cain finding out about an affair and multiple allegations of sexual harassment?
It’s important to note that we don’t know how much Gloria Cain was truly aware of before this news came out in the media. It is possible that she was in denial and blocked information that was upsetting or stressful by suppressing it. Or, she may have consciously chosen to turn a blind eye to avoid conflict, loss of the marriage or other negative consequences. It’s also possible that she may have been aware of his behavior but unable or unwilling to leave the marriage for a variety of reasons.
Finding out about a 13 year extra-marital affair and multiple allegations of sexual harassment would be a very psychologically traumatic experience as it would involve major deception and a serious web of secrets and lies. A major betrayal of trust like this can trigger feelings of shame, humiliation, rage and serious self-doubt about one’s judgment and perspective of reality. After learning such information, it would be normal for a person to move through the 5 stages of grief, which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. The bargaining phase might involve thoughts like, “if I defend him publicly about the sexual harassment charges, then maybe it won’t be true or it will all go away”.
These betrayals also say something about Herman Cain’s respect (or lack there of) for women. I imagine it would be very difficult to be his wife and defend his behaviors and also feel positively about yourself as an empowered woman.
For somebody in Gloria’s position, it might be easier to displace the angry feelings on the women who filed complaints rather than to direct the anger where it belongs, at her husband. Perhaps it is easier to displace the anger on these women she does not have a relationship with than to consider the consequences of accepting the allegations as true and looking at what that really means about her marriage and future.
How can Herman Cain go through a presidential campaign without believing these issues would come out?
If somebody has a big ego and narcissistic tendencies, they might be so grandiose that they feel the normal rules of life do not apply to them and they are somehow beyond getting caught. People with narcissistic characteristics also feel entitled to behave however they want and have little empathy for other people’s feelings or for lying. If somebody is a narcissistic sociopath, then they would have no remorse for hurting others. Also, the power of denial can be very great--Cain may have been in massive denial that these women could go public or even that he ever did anything wrong.
We all have defense mechanisms like denial, rationalization and intellectualization--they help protect our egos from discomfort. Some people are overly defended or personality disordered and blame others (rather than themselves) for anything negative. They may have an inflated sense of self and come off as arrogant. Their sense of reality may become distorted as to preserve a positive self-image.
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