Body Acceptance & Confidence
When the spring comes to Chicagoland, we come out of hibernation and shed the layers of clothes we have been wearing for many months. In a city that experiences temperature extremes, we go from being completely bundled up and staying indoors to showing more skin as we get outside to bike and hike and socialize and make the most out of the amazing summers this city has to offer.
For many of us, if not most, this transition can trigger some anxiety about our bodies. We ALL experience some anxiety about our bodies. We all have things we don't like about the way we look. Insecurity and self-consciousness are part of the human condition. It is normal to have those feelings.
When it comes to body acceptance, in some ways it doesn’t even really matter what we actually look like on the outside – what matters is our perception of ourselves. We can experience self-consciousness regardless of what we look like or such variables such as sex, age, and weight. This body insecurity may or may not be exacerbated with aging, having children, experiencing an accident or injury or surgery. It is common to be our own worst critic. Many of us have a distorted self image that is not reality based. We can all think of people in our lives who we think are beautiful who do not see themselves that way.
Women do not have a monopoly when it comes to body image issues. Men experience very similar issues. Many men have issues, for example, with going shirtless at the beach – feeling worried that they haven’t hit the gym enough, or self-conscious about a beer belly, body hair, etc. Additionally, gay men are notorious for feeling pressure in their community to be in fantastic shape.
Again, it is what we feel internally more than how we look externally. Body image is your mental picture of yourself. Do we accept or even like or love our bodies? Do we feel comfortable, confident and attractive?
As a mother, I tell my daughters multiple times a day, every day, that they are beautiful. I make sure they eat nutritiously, have proper rest, have enough exercise through sports and play time. I take time to do their hairstyles and dress them in clothes they feel comfortable and confident in. As adults, we need to be our own good parents and take care of our minds and bodies as we would take care of somebody we love very, very much. Our lives and our bodies are a gift that should be cherished, nurtured and celebrated. We all have our own unique beauty and gifts to share with the world around us.
American culture and its obsession with beauty (look no further than the plastic surgery craze) makes it hard for many of us to accept how we look. The messages we receive about what we "should" look like are both unattainable if not unhealthy for most. Many people in this caustic culture subsequently deal with low self-esteem, feelings of shame, social or sexual anxiety related to body image, body dysmorphia, and eating disorders.
On a day to day basis, there are strategies that we can all use to work toward body acceptance and confidence:
Practice breath work and meditation. Some say our breath is what connects our mind, body and spirit. Clear your mind and detach from your internal critic. Breathe out your worries, fears, anxieties, insecurities and self criticisms. Visualize that you are breathing in whatever it is that you need (peace, love, acceptance, confidence, and serenity.). Focus on your breath for a few minutes every morning and before you fall asleep at night. You can also do this on the train or in your car or before an important meeting or event. Breath work and meditation can help you to get in a good mental space and increase consciousness for dealing with body image or any other issue.
Practice positive imagery. After your breath work, visualize yourself feeling healthy, positive, beautiful and confident (or anything else you need in your life). Do this every morning and at night.
Understand the power of intention. Each morning, think through the intentions of the day. "I am going to eat healthfully, make that walk outside a top priority and I am going to have just one or two glasses of wine at the party rather than 3." This is like sports psychology. If you visualize yourself making the basket, you increase the likelihood that you will. You can also apply this to your business or any other aspect of your life.
Practice Mindfulness. Develop your awareness by being mindful of your thoughts and emotions as you move through life – especially with regard to your behaviors related to your diet or exercise. Are you emotionally eating when you are stressed? Are you not making it to the gym because you somehow do not feel important enough to take care of? Mindfulness can give you clues how to address the issues that are keeping you from being your best self.
Practice positive self talk. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to somebody you love. Cut yourself some slack. Coach yourself through your life with encouraging, accepting and supportive statements.
Practice gratitude. Teach yourself to focus on the good things rather than the things about yourself that you are unhappy with. Make a list of the things you are grateful about with regard to your body and health.
Accept compliments. Practice saying, "thank you" and basking in a compliment rather than denying it with a negative statement like "Actually, I don't look great – I've gained 10 pounds!"
Give compliments. True confidence enables us to see the beauty in others without triggering feelings of insecurity or anxiety in ourselves. It will make you feel good to tell others how nice they look.
Stop criticizing others. If we all stop gossiping about others, we can make a shift toward a more accepting society. Being catty is bad karma that will come back at you. Surround yourself with positive thinkers and avoid people who are overly focused on appearance.
Forgive yourself and let go. If you don't make it to the gym for a few days, a few weeks or a few months, forgive yourself and let it go. Let go of the past. Focus on the present and making healthy choices today. If you over indulge at a street festival on fried food and ice cream, forgive yourself. You are human. Let go of desires to be a certain weight or size. Focus on being healthy and happy.
Have a mantra. "I am a human being and I am doing the best that I can." "I deserve to take good care of myself." "There is no perfect body, only good health." "My body is my temple."
Enjoy Your Body. Do whatever helps you experience pleasure in your body. Enjoy a good stretch, a good run, a warm bubble bath or a relaxing massage. Feel the warm sun on your skin, feel the breeze through your hair, appreciate the softness of your bed. Connect with your partner sexually or let loose on the dance floor and enjoy your body. Take time to dress yourself in clothes you like and decorate yourself with accessories. Just work it!
For some, body acceptance may be a work in progress but if you apply these practices of positive self care and self talk, you will improve your ability to feel good in your own skin.
We are mind, body and spirit. Our society can encourage us to focus on our egos and our bodies in an obsessive, critical and judgmental way. I like the concepts in the best seller A New Earth, by Ekhart Tolle. He talks about the need for us to detach from our egos and connect with our essence – or our soul or the deeper entity within. Perhaps if we all work on that process of connecting with who we truly are on a deeper level and letting go of our physical imperfections, we will come to a place of peace and acceptance with our own bodies and selves, and our society will eventually shift to be accepting and open and focus on the aspects of life that truly matter.